The Hindu : NATIONAL / TAMIL NADU : Now, machines can read mind

The Hindu : NATIONAL / TAMIL NADU : Now, machines can read mind
one of the good times :)

Not Alone, But Yes.

There she lies in the arms of her abettor, with no fear of the unforeseeable. The mist on the window pane hides her past.

Past. To her, he seemed to be a blurred illusion. His colors were no longer as bright as it used to be. It was raining. But the cold could not touch her, she was colder.

she kept reading the same letter of Ted. Imagining and repeating.

"could you not feel?
could you not see?
my ashtray's filled,
not with the burning ashes,
but your memories,

I am the life, you disbelieve;
your adieu, my grieve."

i love you.

"coffee?" suddenly calls the abettor; a friend, a lover. His smile was a comfort, and his eyes the truth. "Thank you", said she.
"So, would you let your Today love me?" he smiled. Another day of his wait.
"'Today' is yet to come", she smiled.

She took a sip, and watch him clear the mist. could no longer hide it. She closed her eyes, lying in his arms.

The adieu

               Now...after coming past the much awaited celebration (my sister getting married), i am on my way back to the same old pavilion.i remember my last journey. The much awaited 'time'. Good times.
               To hate the long (really long) journey itself is as true as gold, but then i do realize that i have a part of my life back here. VIT.
                I believe (by now) that life is a  roller-coaster ride; well said Bryan! 'nothing lasts forever': philosophical it sounds, but true it is. Nothing, except a very few- 'very few' things in life continues to bear its importance with time. Family has definitely an immortal part in one's life. True. But as we move on, i realize, things get away. Losing its importance is not the fact, but merging of rising priorities and standing to the changing situations takes it all. I did the butterflies on my tiny toes, but now they seem to have flown away. Now i see them in the tiny ones' toes. The smile is still the same, but the butterflies don't tickle me.
                               This day, i regret over just one thing. i should have spoken. I daresay and believe, there are two things which counterpart priorities: never let it be unspoken, and never let it be unfelt. Granted is never a good word.
Mumbai; time for boarding. Don't wish to miss this flight, bye. (switchedoff)

written long back; dedicated to someone who never heard my words.
well said,

"Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority."

Tom Hopkins

evoked, yet again.

The eyes meet the eyes.
The breathe warms my cold soul.
The hands hide my tiny finger.
The strings of our hearts make the perfect tune;
the tunes to which my soul dances on, with all the moves which gets us closer.
The distance now rips open my heart like the slashes of the freezing wind.
now that i miss you,
so, i tell you.
when there's a flash back,
"you make my life worth-watching."

rain, you are.

Are you the tickle which makes the li'l orphan smile,
Or are you the bubble, i see play?
Are you the crinkle, the 'lost' smiles at?
Are you the lost toy found, that makes the child laugh?
Are you the kiss of the beloved, she lost?
Are the wedding ring, which sparkles in her eyes?
Are you that hug, that takes away the last tear?
Are you the moment, which never let us go?
you are the rain, i love.

relationship: the tangles

The most versatile word with so mixed feelings tangled with it. To be a little more formal, i can say that relationship is just like the cover of a book. One should never judge a book by its cover, nor a relationship. The measure of a relation can never be quantified. Sometimes a feeling is all that we need. And for obvious reasons of social ties, we bring forth the formality of bringing in the term of 'relationship'.
This morning was a quite a beautiful beginning to what we call a pleasant day. Happily surrounded by all the smiling faces and discomforting ones too, i see uncertainties all around me; indefinite uncertainty. All that could be felt was indefinite disturbances. Now when i speak of the disturbance, it includes all distractions: all one needs to demolish the fair game of a relation, and feelings (to emphasize on the essence). Remember the silent times with the one who is 'yours', when all you had were questions with basically no logic but distractions. Jealousy and insecurity takes the first place. No relation is saved from these cuts. I hope the 'cut' is quite acquainted with ( ). I had have many such instances when i have proved to be one such ample example of insecurity. today was one such day! Sometimes i feel it flow with my blood. (well, i am being personal this time, for a change) i have thrived so well in this aspect. No matured neurons could change me here. And no matter what, every girl has it in her (the guys would definitely agree and girls would agree only when the ego therein dies). May be its a secondary sexual character in females (biology; ahem). But let's bring optimism, that's the game. Optimism : you are jealous, you are insecured: surely implies that there is something that 'resembles' what we call 'feelings'. Now, the next step that could follow is the 'nomenclature' : chose the name you like, say 'friend' or a step beyond it (totally optional!). Now i think i should wind up, but then there is something left unwritten apart from the confession that i am 'in-secured' and 'jealous', and it is that 'i live in you'. I am definitely sure of this fact that some part of you is definitely the clone of me. Enjoy, while i live!

silent serenade

                                    It seems like the journey would never have an end. the night sky outside the window of the running bus, has always been the favourite part of any of my journeys. a drizzle and a hidden moon beyond, could have extended its beauty to zenith. however, that happens in April in the northeast, and not in Vellore. Well, I should keep that in mind. Travelling alone has its own advantages; you don't have to share your chips nor chocolates. but the disadvantages are terrible. You cannot sleep. You have to pay for everything(!), sit beside a probably stinking man! You have no one to talk to, or fight with(ahem); that kills a person as talkative as i am! but then, let's be neutral. though Rihanna kills me and my smile which i try to frame on my face, but this time florida saved me.a sign of relief. now thinking of the journey, one thing i am pretty sure of is : i am going to miss Bangalore terribly this time.the terrible, horrible and torturing colonoscopy did try its best to kill me, but missed it by some traces. The late night drive till the early morning hours, through the amazing roads (the ones bengluru should be proud of) was awesome. Here, i was a little confused about a girl i happened to meet.

                                      we were just acquaintances until this trip had happened. smile was the inseparable part of her. For every and no reason she had one thing to do; smile. she danced to the silliest songs played in the car, dashing every other person sitting next to her. then comes the giggles. she loved being the pup who peeped out the window, scream at the dog and hid herself again. she was...

“The soul, fortunately, has an interpreter - often an unconscious but still a faithful interpreter - in the eye.” -Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre.
 well, there are the few words i do believe. no matter how deep you are shielded; there is one window left open. There was a shadow behind the sparkle of her eyes. behind the serenade, was a deep silence.


that was a long drive along the deserted road. the street lights flashed at the sudden smirk. i realised that she was drifted away from her senses. i could smell spirit. quite an aroma! the storm of her babble abated. and that was quite noticable.


she went to a huff. we were in the same car. she dialed some numbers and disconnected. this happened for sometime. a heavy deep breath. the next moment i could hear her speak, she smiled. she cried. but the cold froze her tears. she closed her eyes.


it was morning, and i could never know what was behind that shadow. and now, when she is nowhere around, her eyes still haunt me. but what i miss the most is, the unreasonable smile.

lately.

you can't believe, that you have a broken angel.
the little one who shines like the dew, who always puts you through hell.
but, always.
now, it is cold, it is hard, and she shivers.
she wants you around.
she makes a wish, she whispers.
but she is a broken angel. and her feathers shed.
it is not your fault,
that she is a broken angel. she flies, she falls.
but it's not your fault.
come around, once.
she is a daughter, she's a child, but she's broken.
she feels cold. hold her once.
like a father does his child.
she's wrong. but she was right.
she leaves your hand, but to hold.
she's broken. just hold her once.
and yes, you have a broken angel.
you still do.

shades of the eclipsed sun

                                   beep. 'where are you?' she sat on the wet stairs. The place clearly spoke of its age. It was getting dark. 'rain', she smiled.  And the breeze. The exam was over. She was too rude that afternoon. And as usual, he didnot deserve an ounch of it. He was still new to that place.

beep. 'where are you? exam over? wait, i am coming. i am with a teacher.' A forever geek. and a nerd (which he never accepts).
She could see the pink touch her feet. The petals danced with the breeze. The sun played his game. The clouds made her feel cold. She waited. Her sister was nowhere. Even 'ba' trusted him more, and that was obviously understood. There he comes. Now, there was a reason why she liked maroon. formals make even a geek look really good. Really good. And the quiet 'smirk'. he sat next to her.
But she began dancing with the 'pink'.
 -'How was the exam? came out too early.' their eyes rarely met.
 -'Good. I can join you soon. Get ready to treat me well', smiled, 'girls know you well. even my neighbour in the hall did.' they had their usual fight. 'possesiveness' had its role, always. The junior was all set to step into his abide.

The walk after that was a never ending one. She hates it when people stare. And, they were! There lay a 'less travelled' road the other side. She wanted to take that way, 'with him'. Though it was not a surprise, they could feel a drizzle.

The first rain 'together'.
In no time, it turned to be quite dramatic. Heavy rain. Flowers fall. The tree (with it's scientific name on it, now that was unusual!).
It was a good moment. 'happy' shouldn't be the word, she was shy. It was pure. She loved him. But they had a distance, which could never be traversed. no matter how close they were, far apart they will always be. she was happy, and shy. 'come inside, you will fall sick'. they left.
                                    it's the same rain. and yes, far apart they are. the distance remains the same.
'beep'.
nay, it wasn't him.

it's just a life

'It's just life'- just life? you mean, the one which we have once in a 'lifetime'?  it does sound weird, but true. Of all the consolations showered on, i like this one the best. Basically every question is like a (long or  short) string. it has got its two ends- no matter if it's twisted or not.same goes for a question, no matter what it is all about, has either of the two answers- a simple 'yes' or a 'no'! you are in a relationship? -yes or no (i don't know whats 'it's complicated' actually refer to! either he's with you, or not! facebook, stop making things complicated!) anyway, it's just an example and i promise not to turn saddist 'again'.
now, this corner of the blog is all because of a gujju boy who has a dandiya kit in his cupboard!
i decide to come to the point zero. now comes the slap of reality. 'yes' or 'no'? are you happy with what you are living with? well, this includes this career thing, that personal life...and again this and that. and winding up this long question, i come back to the answer. to be on the 'yes' side would buy me guilt. the guilt of lying none butmyself, and the burden of compromise. and about the 'no' thing, it does buy me the dark black hole. now, here comes the end. help me answer. yes, or no?

cold.

                                         winter. it was. she could feel the slashing breeze playing with her hair. yes, it was her. she was a little annoyed, but the tickle made her smile. it was no longer chilly, but a pleasant breeze. it was february. it reminded her of something. that sad curve appeared on her face again.
                                        'i shall shoot you someday. you are always late. i give you next 15 minutes, else i am leaving!' she was always dominating. she realized it (ultimately). but, she meant it otherwise. it was a part of her possesive nature which hid behind her loud and rude words. extremely possesive. 'i am almost there. trust me. try to understand. there was........beep beep beep'. the call was disconnected. yes, she did that. quite obvious. patience was never in her blood. and it was considerable. she was seeing him after a month. there were separated by some 200 kilometers, but it was a huge distance when you want the person to be just next to you, every single moment.she never realized that the possesiveness was her love for him. stupid girl, so i call her.
                                         he arrived. she frowned. he smiled. she turned around. she wanted to hide the blushes.(oh! how much she missed him!) she gave him a stern look. but his smile melts her heart always. 'i will kill you.missed you u, idiot'. he smiled again. 'i missed you too. coffee?'
                                         beep.'come soon! dinner! we are waiting idiot', said the text. her room mates.  her second family. she smiled. she stared at the window, 'tell him, i miss him. please!'. the breeze had always been a good friend.

the knots untied.

            'Change is the only constant variable in life', that was the beginning. And then the question comes to my mind, 'what about it's end'? Well, i don't have an answer'.

              I thought, she is really strong, but i was wrong.

              Last evening (yes the valentine's day; the suppose to be 'love filled evening') i saw a girl sitting virtually in the crowd. She was alone. I could sense that neither her mind nor soul sat beside her.

           With one cold coffee next to her, she was in a world where nothing else seemed to matter but, him. Then i sensed she wasn't alone. She was with him, 'virtually'. A coffee with his thoughts in her mind- was the best way to celebrate her valentine's. And it beeps ,a text from him. 'how are you?' she smiled, but with a strange cloud of sadness could be seen on her face. It was hard to notice the smile in such darkness. 

             Flashback- ' i don't wish to leave, but i have to'. That was the last time they were together. 'Memories'- the worst and the best creation of god. it makes you live your life with it's best moments and die several deaths. She was in love. That happened some three years back. She believed that 'sometimes the best way to stay close to someone you love is just being his friend'. And so, this friendship was celebrated for three years. Falling in love with someone so true was so obvious, but taking your steps towards it is quite difficult. She realized it very early in life. Sometimes things are beyond the 'right or wrong' thing. She replied to the text, 'i am good'. But for every reason, she was not. Walking down the empty street (as it seemed to her), she realized that closing her eyes would not make a difference. fear of losing him, would make her lose him forever. (a drop of tear accompanied her thoughts). He was always more than a friend. A friend who sung(no matter how worse he did) just to make her smile, a friend who smiled at her even with a cut to make sure she isn't worried. A friend who lived several sleepless nights so that she doesn't feel lonely. He was such. Losing someone like him, is completely not imaginable. Yes, she loved him. But, everything can never be perfect, specially when it was love. 

              She paid the bill, and walked away. While 'it only hurts when i'm breathing' echoed all the way through her empty street. Music is the best part of life, i strongly believe. It was time for me to go. So, i followed her on the way back.

                   03:56 am. The cell beeped. Her tears could never be stopped that night. That night was really dark. she smiled the worst way she could. Yes, she lost him. He was no longer in her world. There was no hand to hold her when she was alone. She couldnot see him or feel him anymore. There was no shoulder where she could rest her sorrow. She looked around, everyone was asleep. She tried but couldnot find anyone who could bring back his life. She walked to the ninth floor. A cold breeze, a dark sky and her loneliness. She screamt, she cried. She called out, but she had no one. She stared at her sister's wedding photographs in her phone, while it played 'saving all my love for you'. she could see her mom smile, her dad dancing with all the weird moves. Her sisters looking so pretty and the last one where 'they' were together.. 'i love you', she whispered. She texted her last goodbye. The dark sky hid my flightless bird.

                    She was strong, i still believe. I shall miss her.

                

valentine's is always about you and me!

enya for the brave heart!well, the warmth of valentine's day is in the air.......and i can see my friend clinging to her phone, my next door neighbour getting excited about the day, my brother all set with his lucky shoes, my room-mate blushing with the roses and the cards while another one is yelling over the sms charges! but, then in a corner there's some one who is waiting just for her 'todo' to hug her so tight. now a teddy makes it too cheesy! but, it's all about the feelings, you see! she dreams of the light that awakened her every valentine morning, with a smile that means 'just one more year closer to the most special day'! being single is never the sad part of the story, but the long wait sometimes gets a little ( a li'l more) cruel! i am glad this day, that i am a step closer to what i would call 'a dream within a dream' (nay, i am not talking about inception!)

dark awakens.

The night has just lit its room. The moon, the breeze, the solitude reminds me of a place called 'nostalgia'. Night has always been a good teacher, or perhaps a friend. A good one. It teaches me that , everything happens because something had happened. Even the stars donot shine to celebrate the advent of the darkness, but to glorify the reminiscence of the magnificient past. The beautiful bygone day. They teach me that there is a moment to lose and another to out shine. The dark clouds teach me that after every stormy night, there is a sunny day awaited. here i am reminded of the song ‘’dreams are more precious’’. the reason behind is definitely NOT depression. rather i think night signifies that friend who reflects you. the one who makes you see the life you would lose in the crowd. The one who makes you understand the 'unreasonable' smile you have, seeing that 'person'. The one who teaches how important is the 'person' in your life, how incomplete is your day or life is without that 'person'. The one who brings you home; the home which accepts you no matter how poor you are. The one who tells you that there is someone who is waiting for you; no matter how long the wait might turn out to be. how special you are and how special life is.

Yet again, ‘’to err is human..’’.we (better if said í am) are too much into running after the life we dream. Never realising that sometimes reality is bittersweet.

PS- no particular personification.

As the song sings,

Come see, high above.
Come see, high in the heavens.
A new star shining bright.
Out of the darkness, comes a light.

Come here, midnight chimes
Come here, bells that are ringing
And from some distant shore
Sounds of a journey, echo on

This is the night
They say,
Everyone wants a dream.

This is the night
They say
Nothing is as it seems.

Come sleep, close your eyes.
Come sleep, give me your sorrow.
And I keep watch for you.
Until the dawn is, breaking through.
Until the morning wakens you.

Come dream, through the night.
Come dream, and then tomorrow
They'll see who, what will know.

Dreams are more precious than gold
Dreams are more precious than gold
Dreams are more precious than gold

take me away: to better days.

what do we call a ' pleasant accident' ? not a 'miracle', because this time, it was meant to happen. 'was', yes, a part of the whole thing, 'was'. but, i think it's better this way  was! i am glad it happened. two and a half years, a long time. and, foolish me, i never knew what made me smile, a simple reason. 'ýou', a special person indeed. now the most conventional meaning about the word 'special person', is the girl or boy, who is either the 'boyfriend' or the 'girlfriend'. but no, i believe there is something beyond it.

the beautiful relation was just a few meters apart and a year elder. but, it took me some eighteen years to traverse this mere distance, space and time.
after the long two years, i actually don't understand why i felt a need to pen it down ( or else, type it down; technically), but i do believe 'speak, when you need to'. there's a million of things that have changed. but, then i have those tiny cute things living my life indeed. after everything that is over; even though undone, i miss things.


'sorry' as i always say, 'thank you' as i always meant.
and i told you 'çhange is the only constant variable' i meant it. infact, in this long run, i miss you and i will do so.
thanks for 'taking me to the better days, in a better place'
bye
PS- to a person who has always been my best friend. but the word 'best' seems to be quite 'meagre'. there are still many things, meant to be spoken; awaited.

the journey so far.

born. being - a baby, a kid, a teenager. nay, that's not what i call 'the journey'. The journey begun when i realised that dreams were not just the psychological impressions which were meant to be a part of my sleep, but the destination which was actually a far off land beyond the road 'least' travelled. Realising dreams, curving my own pathway wasNOT a matter that easy. Atleast not as easy as gulping down the lime soda. Infact it's harder than learning the kreb's cycle! Now that was a part of the little biology i know!

well, now i think let's begin from the point zero. Assam, actually, tezpur (to be more precise) was the place i planned to drop into. That is when i slightly pressed against the accelerator. And ever since then, the gears are smoothly changed. Here, i donot claim to be a good driver!

A convent- St. Joseph's School, it was here where i learnt that those little tiny letters which now brings me nightmares; the girl at the extreme corner will be the one who would always stand by you; the tiffin packed for you officially is actually a public property and you have the least right on it; and also that every smile is not true, and every friendship doesn't last as 'friends forever'! however, i terribly miss my school, the church. and when i say 'school' it means the people basically!

"love". here, i was introduced to this word. but now i think it was mistaken with the word 'crush'. i wish the 'oxford' would be a little more clear. whatever. The 'boy-next-door' was always my brother. yes, true! but the tiny 15 year old gentleman made my heart bloom like a garden! silly! but cute <3 !
and about 'love', let's meet this part later!

college- yes i was into one. only 'i' no soul. how i still hate the place. and the 'place' includes the people too!

Now, it's the extension of my "EDUCATION'- scary word it is! And "fingers crossed", i love this place- the 'Vellore Institute of Technology'- too long, i know!

So, it's the journey so far!