cold.

                                         winter. it was. she could feel the slashing breeze playing with her hair. yes, it was her. she was a little annoyed, but the tickle made her smile. it was no longer chilly, but a pleasant breeze. it was february. it reminded her of something. that sad curve appeared on her face again.
                                        'i shall shoot you someday. you are always late. i give you next 15 minutes, else i am leaving!' she was always dominating. she realized it (ultimately). but, she meant it otherwise. it was a part of her possesive nature which hid behind her loud and rude words. extremely possesive. 'i am almost there. trust me. try to understand. there was........beep beep beep'. the call was disconnected. yes, she did that. quite obvious. patience was never in her blood. and it was considerable. she was seeing him after a month. there were separated by some 200 kilometers, but it was a huge distance when you want the person to be just next to you, every single moment.she never realized that the possesiveness was her love for him. stupid girl, so i call her.
                                         he arrived. she frowned. he smiled. she turned around. she wanted to hide the blushes.(oh! how much she missed him!) she gave him a stern look. but his smile melts her heart always. 'i will kill you.missed you u, idiot'. he smiled again. 'i missed you too. coffee?'
                                         beep.'come soon! dinner! we are waiting idiot', said the text. her room mates.  her second family. she smiled. she stared at the window, 'tell him, i miss him. please!'. the breeze had always been a good friend.

the knots untied.

            'Change is the only constant variable in life', that was the beginning. And then the question comes to my mind, 'what about it's end'? Well, i don't have an answer'.

              I thought, she is really strong, but i was wrong.

              Last evening (yes the valentine's day; the suppose to be 'love filled evening') i saw a girl sitting virtually in the crowd. She was alone. I could sense that neither her mind nor soul sat beside her.

           With one cold coffee next to her, she was in a world where nothing else seemed to matter but, him. Then i sensed she wasn't alone. She was with him, 'virtually'. A coffee with his thoughts in her mind- was the best way to celebrate her valentine's. And it beeps ,a text from him. 'how are you?' she smiled, but with a strange cloud of sadness could be seen on her face. It was hard to notice the smile in such darkness. 

             Flashback- ' i don't wish to leave, but i have to'. That was the last time they were together. 'Memories'- the worst and the best creation of god. it makes you live your life with it's best moments and die several deaths. She was in love. That happened some three years back. She believed that 'sometimes the best way to stay close to someone you love is just being his friend'. And so, this friendship was celebrated for three years. Falling in love with someone so true was so obvious, but taking your steps towards it is quite difficult. She realized it very early in life. Sometimes things are beyond the 'right or wrong' thing. She replied to the text, 'i am good'. But for every reason, she was not. Walking down the empty street (as it seemed to her), she realized that closing her eyes would not make a difference. fear of losing him, would make her lose him forever. (a drop of tear accompanied her thoughts). He was always more than a friend. A friend who sung(no matter how worse he did) just to make her smile, a friend who smiled at her even with a cut to make sure she isn't worried. A friend who lived several sleepless nights so that she doesn't feel lonely. He was such. Losing someone like him, is completely not imaginable. Yes, she loved him. But, everything can never be perfect, specially when it was love. 

              She paid the bill, and walked away. While 'it only hurts when i'm breathing' echoed all the way through her empty street. Music is the best part of life, i strongly believe. It was time for me to go. So, i followed her on the way back.

                   03:56 am. The cell beeped. Her tears could never be stopped that night. That night was really dark. she smiled the worst way she could. Yes, she lost him. He was no longer in her world. There was no hand to hold her when she was alone. She couldnot see him or feel him anymore. There was no shoulder where she could rest her sorrow. She looked around, everyone was asleep. She tried but couldnot find anyone who could bring back his life. She walked to the ninth floor. A cold breeze, a dark sky and her loneliness. She screamt, she cried. She called out, but she had no one. She stared at her sister's wedding photographs in her phone, while it played 'saving all my love for you'. she could see her mom smile, her dad dancing with all the weird moves. Her sisters looking so pretty and the last one where 'they' were together.. 'i love you', she whispered. She texted her last goodbye. The dark sky hid my flightless bird.

                    She was strong, i still believe. I shall miss her.

                

valentine's is always about you and me!

enya for the brave heart!well, the warmth of valentine's day is in the air.......and i can see my friend clinging to her phone, my next door neighbour getting excited about the day, my brother all set with his lucky shoes, my room-mate blushing with the roses and the cards while another one is yelling over the sms charges! but, then in a corner there's some one who is waiting just for her 'todo' to hug her so tight. now a teddy makes it too cheesy! but, it's all about the feelings, you see! she dreams of the light that awakened her every valentine morning, with a smile that means 'just one more year closer to the most special day'! being single is never the sad part of the story, but the long wait sometimes gets a little ( a li'l more) cruel! i am glad this day, that i am a step closer to what i would call 'a dream within a dream' (nay, i am not talking about inception!)

dark awakens.

The night has just lit its room. The moon, the breeze, the solitude reminds me of a place called 'nostalgia'. Night has always been a good teacher, or perhaps a friend. A good one. It teaches me that , everything happens because something had happened. Even the stars donot shine to celebrate the advent of the darkness, but to glorify the reminiscence of the magnificient past. The beautiful bygone day. They teach me that there is a moment to lose and another to out shine. The dark clouds teach me that after every stormy night, there is a sunny day awaited. here i am reminded of the song ‘’dreams are more precious’’. the reason behind is definitely NOT depression. rather i think night signifies that friend who reflects you. the one who makes you see the life you would lose in the crowd. The one who makes you understand the 'unreasonable' smile you have, seeing that 'person'. The one who teaches how important is the 'person' in your life, how incomplete is your day or life is without that 'person'. The one who brings you home; the home which accepts you no matter how poor you are. The one who tells you that there is someone who is waiting for you; no matter how long the wait might turn out to be. how special you are and how special life is.

Yet again, ‘’to err is human..’’.we (better if said í am) are too much into running after the life we dream. Never realising that sometimes reality is bittersweet.

PS- no particular personification.

As the song sings,

Come see, high above.
Come see, high in the heavens.
A new star shining bright.
Out of the darkness, comes a light.

Come here, midnight chimes
Come here, bells that are ringing
And from some distant shore
Sounds of a journey, echo on

This is the night
They say,
Everyone wants a dream.

This is the night
They say
Nothing is as it seems.

Come sleep, close your eyes.
Come sleep, give me your sorrow.
And I keep watch for you.
Until the dawn is, breaking through.
Until the morning wakens you.

Come dream, through the night.
Come dream, and then tomorrow
They'll see who, what will know.

Dreams are more precious than gold
Dreams are more precious than gold
Dreams are more precious than gold

take me away: to better days.

what do we call a ' pleasant accident' ? not a 'miracle', because this time, it was meant to happen. 'was', yes, a part of the whole thing, 'was'. but, i think it's better this way  was! i am glad it happened. two and a half years, a long time. and, foolish me, i never knew what made me smile, a simple reason. 'ýou', a special person indeed. now the most conventional meaning about the word 'special person', is the girl or boy, who is either the 'boyfriend' or the 'girlfriend'. but no, i believe there is something beyond it.

the beautiful relation was just a few meters apart and a year elder. but, it took me some eighteen years to traverse this mere distance, space and time.
after the long two years, i actually don't understand why i felt a need to pen it down ( or else, type it down; technically), but i do believe 'speak, when you need to'. there's a million of things that have changed. but, then i have those tiny cute things living my life indeed. after everything that is over; even though undone, i miss things.


'sorry' as i always say, 'thank you' as i always meant.
and i told you 'çhange is the only constant variable' i meant it. infact, in this long run, i miss you and i will do so.
thanks for 'taking me to the better days, in a better place'
bye
PS- to a person who has always been my best friend. but the word 'best' seems to be quite 'meagre'. there are still many things, meant to be spoken; awaited.

the journey so far.

born. being - a baby, a kid, a teenager. nay, that's not what i call 'the journey'. The journey begun when i realised that dreams were not just the psychological impressions which were meant to be a part of my sleep, but the destination which was actually a far off land beyond the road 'least' travelled. Realising dreams, curving my own pathway wasNOT a matter that easy. Atleast not as easy as gulping down the lime soda. Infact it's harder than learning the kreb's cycle! Now that was a part of the little biology i know!

well, now i think let's begin from the point zero. Assam, actually, tezpur (to be more precise) was the place i planned to drop into. That is when i slightly pressed against the accelerator. And ever since then, the gears are smoothly changed. Here, i donot claim to be a good driver!

A convent- St. Joseph's School, it was here where i learnt that those little tiny letters which now brings me nightmares; the girl at the extreme corner will be the one who would always stand by you; the tiffin packed for you officially is actually a public property and you have the least right on it; and also that every smile is not true, and every friendship doesn't last as 'friends forever'! however, i terribly miss my school, the church. and when i say 'school' it means the people basically!

"love". here, i was introduced to this word. but now i think it was mistaken with the word 'crush'. i wish the 'oxford' would be a little more clear. whatever. The 'boy-next-door' was always my brother. yes, true! but the tiny 15 year old gentleman made my heart bloom like a garden! silly! but cute <3 !
and about 'love', let's meet this part later!

college- yes i was into one. only 'i' no soul. how i still hate the place. and the 'place' includes the people too!

Now, it's the extension of my "EDUCATION'- scary word it is! And "fingers crossed", i love this place- the 'Vellore Institute of Technology'- too long, i know!

So, it's the journey so far!