The adieu

               Now...after coming past the much awaited celebration (my sister getting married), i am on my way back to the same old pavilion.i remember my last journey. The much awaited 'time'. Good times.
               To hate the long (really long) journey itself is as true as gold, but then i do realize that i have a part of my life back here. VIT.
                I believe (by now) that life is a  roller-coaster ride; well said Bryan! 'nothing lasts forever': philosophical it sounds, but true it is. Nothing, except a very few- 'very few' things in life continues to bear its importance with time. Family has definitely an immortal part in one's life. True. But as we move on, i realize, things get away. Losing its importance is not the fact, but merging of rising priorities and standing to the changing situations takes it all. I did the butterflies on my tiny toes, but now they seem to have flown away. Now i see them in the tiny ones' toes. The smile is still the same, but the butterflies don't tickle me.
                               This day, i regret over just one thing. i should have spoken. I daresay and believe, there are two things which counterpart priorities: never let it be unspoken, and never let it be unfelt. Granted is never a good word.
Mumbai; time for boarding. Don't wish to miss this flight, bye. (switchedoff)

written long back; dedicated to someone who never heard my words.
well said,

"Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority."

Tom Hopkins

evoked, yet again.

The eyes meet the eyes.
The breathe warms my cold soul.
The hands hide my tiny finger.
The strings of our hearts make the perfect tune;
the tunes to which my soul dances on, with all the moves which gets us closer.
The distance now rips open my heart like the slashes of the freezing wind.
now that i miss you,
so, i tell you.
when there's a flash back,
"you make my life worth-watching."

rain, you are.

Are you the tickle which makes the li'l orphan smile,
Or are you the bubble, i see play?
Are you the crinkle, the 'lost' smiles at?
Are you the lost toy found, that makes the child laugh?
Are you the kiss of the beloved, she lost?
Are the wedding ring, which sparkles in her eyes?
Are you that hug, that takes away the last tear?
Are you the moment, which never let us go?
you are the rain, i love.

relationship: the tangles

The most versatile word with so mixed feelings tangled with it. To be a little more formal, i can say that relationship is just like the cover of a book. One should never judge a book by its cover, nor a relationship. The measure of a relation can never be quantified. Sometimes a feeling is all that we need. And for obvious reasons of social ties, we bring forth the formality of bringing in the term of 'relationship'.
This morning was a quite a beautiful beginning to what we call a pleasant day. Happily surrounded by all the smiling faces and discomforting ones too, i see uncertainties all around me; indefinite uncertainty. All that could be felt was indefinite disturbances. Now when i speak of the disturbance, it includes all distractions: all one needs to demolish the fair game of a relation, and feelings (to emphasize on the essence). Remember the silent times with the one who is 'yours', when all you had were questions with basically no logic but distractions. Jealousy and insecurity takes the first place. No relation is saved from these cuts. I hope the 'cut' is quite acquainted with ( ). I had have many such instances when i have proved to be one such ample example of insecurity. today was one such day! Sometimes i feel it flow with my blood. (well, i am being personal this time, for a change) i have thrived so well in this aspect. No matured neurons could change me here. And no matter what, every girl has it in her (the guys would definitely agree and girls would agree only when the ego therein dies). May be its a secondary sexual character in females (biology; ahem). But let's bring optimism, that's the game. Optimism : you are jealous, you are insecured: surely implies that there is something that 'resembles' what we call 'feelings'. Now, the next step that could follow is the 'nomenclature' : chose the name you like, say 'friend' or a step beyond it (totally optional!). Now i think i should wind up, but then there is something left unwritten apart from the confession that i am 'in-secured' and 'jealous', and it is that 'i live in you'. I am definitely sure of this fact that some part of you is definitely the clone of me. Enjoy, while i live!

silent serenade

                                    It seems like the journey would never have an end. the night sky outside the window of the running bus, has always been the favourite part of any of my journeys. a drizzle and a hidden moon beyond, could have extended its beauty to zenith. however, that happens in April in the northeast, and not in Vellore. Well, I should keep that in mind. Travelling alone has its own advantages; you don't have to share your chips nor chocolates. but the disadvantages are terrible. You cannot sleep. You have to pay for everything(!), sit beside a probably stinking man! You have no one to talk to, or fight with(ahem); that kills a person as talkative as i am! but then, let's be neutral. though Rihanna kills me and my smile which i try to frame on my face, but this time florida saved me.a sign of relief. now thinking of the journey, one thing i am pretty sure of is : i am going to miss Bangalore terribly this time.the terrible, horrible and torturing colonoscopy did try its best to kill me, but missed it by some traces. The late night drive till the early morning hours, through the amazing roads (the ones bengluru should be proud of) was awesome. Here, i was a little confused about a girl i happened to meet.

                                      we were just acquaintances until this trip had happened. smile was the inseparable part of her. For every and no reason she had one thing to do; smile. she danced to the silliest songs played in the car, dashing every other person sitting next to her. then comes the giggles. she loved being the pup who peeped out the window, scream at the dog and hid herself again. she was...

“The soul, fortunately, has an interpreter - often an unconscious but still a faithful interpreter - in the eye.” -Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre.
 well, there are the few words i do believe. no matter how deep you are shielded; there is one window left open. There was a shadow behind the sparkle of her eyes. behind the serenade, was a deep silence.


that was a long drive along the deserted road. the street lights flashed at the sudden smirk. i realised that she was drifted away from her senses. i could smell spirit. quite an aroma! the storm of her babble abated. and that was quite noticable.


she went to a huff. we were in the same car. she dialed some numbers and disconnected. this happened for sometime. a heavy deep breath. the next moment i could hear her speak, she smiled. she cried. but the cold froze her tears. she closed her eyes.


it was morning, and i could never know what was behind that shadow. and now, when she is nowhere around, her eyes still haunt me. but what i miss the most is, the unreasonable smile.

lately.

you can't believe, that you have a broken angel.
the little one who shines like the dew, who always puts you through hell.
but, always.
now, it is cold, it is hard, and she shivers.
she wants you around.
she makes a wish, she whispers.
but she is a broken angel. and her feathers shed.
it is not your fault,
that she is a broken angel. she flies, she falls.
but it's not your fault.
come around, once.
she is a daughter, she's a child, but she's broken.
she feels cold. hold her once.
like a father does his child.
she's wrong. but she was right.
she leaves your hand, but to hold.
she's broken. just hold her once.
and yes, you have a broken angel.
you still do.

shades of the eclipsed sun

                                   beep. 'where are you?' she sat on the wet stairs. The place clearly spoke of its age. It was getting dark. 'rain', she smiled.  And the breeze. The exam was over. She was too rude that afternoon. And as usual, he didnot deserve an ounch of it. He was still new to that place.

beep. 'where are you? exam over? wait, i am coming. i am with a teacher.' A forever geek. and a nerd (which he never accepts).
She could see the pink touch her feet. The petals danced with the breeze. The sun played his game. The clouds made her feel cold. She waited. Her sister was nowhere. Even 'ba' trusted him more, and that was obviously understood. There he comes. Now, there was a reason why she liked maroon. formals make even a geek look really good. Really good. And the quiet 'smirk'. he sat next to her.
But she began dancing with the 'pink'.
 -'How was the exam? came out too early.' their eyes rarely met.
 -'Good. I can join you soon. Get ready to treat me well', smiled, 'girls know you well. even my neighbour in the hall did.' they had their usual fight. 'possesiveness' had its role, always. The junior was all set to step into his abide.

The walk after that was a never ending one. She hates it when people stare. And, they were! There lay a 'less travelled' road the other side. She wanted to take that way, 'with him'. Though it was not a surprise, they could feel a drizzle.

The first rain 'together'.
In no time, it turned to be quite dramatic. Heavy rain. Flowers fall. The tree (with it's scientific name on it, now that was unusual!).
It was a good moment. 'happy' shouldn't be the word, she was shy. It was pure. She loved him. But they had a distance, which could never be traversed. no matter how close they were, far apart they will always be. she was happy, and shy. 'come inside, you will fall sick'. they left.
                                    it's the same rain. and yes, far apart they are. the distance remains the same.
'beep'.
nay, it wasn't him.